College Matters

Calling all English majors out there! What have you done, or what do you plan to do, with your degree? A student is considering the option and requests advice.

My readers have overwhelmingly voted against parental control of major field of study, even when the parents control the finances. I’ve expanded my own perspective in response to reader information. Although I still think that financial control gives significant power and influence to the person holding the financial reins - the parents - I recognize that it is unwise parenting to dictate major regardless. I am planning to have children and plan to finance college education if these future children pursue that path. But I would never force them to pursue one degree plan or another, and I don’t think other parents should, either. My original assessment was based upon my own personal experience-I’ve historically eschewed financial dependence in order to avoid being told what to do!

However, I’m curious to what the readership response will be to another form of control: living arrangements and parameters of relationships. If a student has college financed by the parents, he or she should still get to choose his or her own major. But what about cohabitation? What if a student, like this one - a legal adult, if not a financial one - wants to move in with his or her significant other, and the parents are against such an arrangement? How to handle that? If the parents can’t dictate major, despite financial contributions, I argue that neither should they dictate living arrangements. I expect some of you to disagree…so I’m looking forward to your comments, on this blog entry and the associated advice. What do you think?

I’m currently in Houston, Texas, visiting my grandparents before I move to Maine to work with an AmeriCorps program. As many of you already know, I’m very excited. The particular program is called The Game Loft, and it’s a youth program that utilizes non-electronic gaming (from Risk to historical war games to Dungeons and Dragons and everything in between!). I’m actually a little envious; I would have been really grateful to have this kind of organized gaming community during my especially crazy teenage years - I’m telling you, most people should get a medal for simply surviving adolescence.

During this “grand finale family tour,” as I’m calling it, I’m reminded of the evolving nature of family influence. I’m independent, and have been for many years. Often broke, but not to the point of requiring financial support of family. I’m unwilling to do that, and have been since I turned 18 - which is why I used federal financial aid to get through college (a mistake, but hindsight is 20/20). I didn’t want anyone to tell me what to do. And now, in my twenties, my family certainly can’t give me orders, and they know it. If any of them said so much as “Don’t go to Maine” I’d tell them exactly where to put it. I’m exaggerating, I would be nice and reasonable, but pretty direct: “I’m going to Maine. Period. Love you, please come visit, see you soon!”

However, if I relied financially upon anybody, I would definitely have to answer to them. To repeat the above used euphemism, “Period.” End of story. And this is why, at 18, if you go to college with financial support from your parents, you are essentially taking the next step in high school. It doesn’t matter that you’re “legally” an adult. Financially, you’re not - just like this student. So they have a say (rightfully so, too) about where you live, what you spend “your” money on, and yes, even your chosen course of study. That’s not a terrible thing - you probably won’t make the mistake of getting a fine arts degree with an emphasis on the deeper meaning of play-doh while under economic parental supervision.

If you’ve been completely dependent on your parents through high school, especially to such an extent that you’ve received an allowance rather than working part-time, you’re not ready to make your own decisions at 18 anyway. Want to learn to make your own decisions so that you don’t have to adhere to your parents’ directions? Get a 40-hour a week job and move out for at least a year before making the trek to college. Otherwise, they get a say. And parents, listen up: yes, you have a right to tell your kids what to do, regardless of age, if you’re financing the operation.

I glanced through the advice columns on the AP’s syndicate page today, and came across the latest posting of Hey, Cherie!, a column that speaks to the preteen and early teenaged crowd. Its author, Cherie Bennett, is insightful and compassionate, and I found today’s online published column pertinent to the college-aged crowd as well. A 10^th grader, the son of a doctor, wants to be a police officer. The kid is idealistic and wants to take a definitive stand against violent crime in America. However, both his father and grandfather are doctors, and as such they are against this career goal – they even look down upon it.

Cherie responded that the student should definitely go to college as a compromise, perhaps pursuing a study such as criminal justice, since a degree will make him more appealing to any police department, nationwide. Her response was certainly positive and idealistic, but I found myself thinking, “Yes, but who’s paying for it?”

Perhaps 10^th grade is a little early for an individual to think about that type of question; however, it’s extremely important in making decisions. Control comes with money; if your parents are paying your way through school, they get to influence, possibly altogether decide, your course of study. It’s an unfortunate fact of life; as a consumer, we all want to get what we pay for – and most parents are no different in regards to education.

What I would tell this 10^th grader – and any of you reading this column – is that if you want to pursue a career path vastly different from your parents’ stated goals, you should find your own funding for said path. 10th grade is actually a good time to start thinking about scholarship opportunities - and new ones arise all through college, as well. Plus, other financial aid options abound, such as federal grants, and you should take advantage of these. Otherwise, you leave yourself open for guilt trips as well as threats of complete withholding of funding. Now, conversely, most of us don’t really know what we want to be “when we grow up” in the first year or two (or much, much more) of college, and as such, having parents control and fund the process is not necessarily a bad thing – especially since for the first two years everyone focuses on basic curriculum anyway.

Past those first two years of basics, however, if you’re accepting parental funding, with a certain type of parents, your choices of major are severely limited.