College Matters

Jessica answers all questions having to do with college, in a straightforward, honest manner. If she does not immediately know the answer, she will conduct extensive research in order to find the most accurate, thorough answer to any given question. Although not all questions will be published, each will be answered personally. Email your college-related questions to: advice@jessicakunkel.com.

I am from Nigeria, and I attend a college in Texas. I have recently been accused of being racist. A student in my history class who is on the school basketball team – and who is Afro-American – said that I am a traitor to my “race” because I have mostly Caucasian friends. I have thought about this and wonder. My American friends are mostly Caucasian. But the more I think about it, the more I realize that my friends don’t expect me to become a certain way to be their friends. It seems like it’s easier for Caucasians to feel that way. What do you think? Am I racist? – Anomalous

Are you racist? Depends. Do you see a person of color and automatically discount them as a potential friend? I suspect not, and as long as I’m right, no, you’re not racist.

Do you have some cultural bias? Sure, but that’s true of almost all of us. We gravitate toward others with similar interests and perspectives. That’s why you don’t see many American members of Greenpeace hanging out with the “Tea Party” supporters. They come from practically different worlds.
As an exchange student, regardless of color, you likely grew up in affluence (relative to your surrounding population) and with an upscale education. Impoverished, poorly educated individuals globally don’t know where to look or even what questions to ask regarding seeking international education.

That means that you probably naturally find things in common with those that come from similarly affluent backgrounds, regardless of color, and at your university, evidently this population is primarily white – at least among the group of friends with which you surround yourself thus far. There’s nothing wrong with this, exactly, and it is in fact racist of someone to demand that you live your life differently just because of the pigment of your skin.

However, as part of an international education involves exposure to other cultures, I would encourage you to try to bridge the culture gap and pursue a few friendships from the other side of the fence – regardless of color. Americans come from so many different backgrounds, and, despite my “Tea Party”/Greenpeace remark, I think it does all of the groups a lot of good when they interact with one another cordially, and with open minds. If only they would actually follow my advice, I’m sure Glenn Beck and Reverend Al Sharpton would be best friends. Yeah, right!

I just graduated with a B.B.A., specializing in finance. I’ve been looking for a job since the beginning of my last semester, and I can’t find one! I know it’s a rough job market right now, but I want to move out of Rhode Island so badly, I’m not even bound by location. I’ve looked at monster.com, and I don’t even narrow my search by state. I apply everywhere. But no one’s getting back to me! Why? What am I doing wrong? – Shelley

If relocation is your ultimate motivating factor, a perspective change is in order. It’s fine for that to be your motivation, but what you’re doing incorrectly is pursuing that goal in a formerly traditional manner. I say “formerly traditional” because certainly in our parents’ and grandparents’ generations, relocation was frequently achieved by a career beginning or change. Today, however, if employers review resumes from out of area at all, they do so warily. But why?

The answer is deceptively simple: hiring someone who has to relocate for a position is a big risk. What if the new hire doesn’t like the new location? Like it or not, personal life affects the business world, and if you’re unhappy at home, you’re more likely to be an unhappy employee, especially if your reason for being unhappy is directly tied to your position! So, a new hire from “away” is more likely to have problems at work, more likely to quit, and less likely to stay with a company for any lengthy period of time.

A generation or two ago, this was often a worthwhile risk. Fewer people went to college, so the pool of applicants for certain positions – including those that you’re likely pursuing – was significantly smaller. Now, however, 70% of graduating seniors enroll in college. Even though over half of those don’t achieve degrees, they have taken college classes and often have on-campus work experience that is directly related to positions to which they are applying.

Does this mean your dreams of relocation are doomed? Definitely not! You can relocate, and you can even do it quickly. You’ll have to reconcile yourself to the idea of being relatively poor for a year, though. You should look at AmeriCorps and the Peace Corps. Both organizations are actively seeking college graduates, and they pay for relocation. The Peace Corps is more difficult to get into, and you’re likely looking at a year or so before you’ll actually be placed on location. That makes sense, really, since they’re placing you in a third world country. If you want immediate gratification, though, check out AmeriCorps. They pay for relocation, and it’s less complicated since it’s within the U.S. Additionally, both organizations provide funding for future school (perhaps, in your case, an M.B.A.?) as well as health insurance and a living stipend. Check it out!

I am about to finish my second year of core classes, and I’m trying to decide on a major. The subject I’m best at is definitely English, but my parents say there’s nothing you can do with an English degree. – Literary Minded in Houston, Texas

While I sympathize with your parents’ initial assessment, they are ultimately incorrect. The truth is that your options are limited with only a bachelor’s in English – or a master’s or doctorate, for that matter. If you pursue English as a major and pursue nothing else to diversify your experience and learning, there’s very little you can do – and in that specific case, your parents will be proven right.

There are too many English teachers; if you even want a small chance of getting a teaching job, you must pursue a year of teachers’ certification following your bachelor’s before you even attempt to submit resumes. If your advisor tells you that you can instead pursue a master’s degree and then teach community college, he or she is sadly misinformed. The community colleges across the county are filled to the brim with underpaid, overworked English professors, and most already have PhDs. That’s how many English PhDs there are – even the community college professors often possess a doctorate. And that doctorate pulls in a salary of, oh, about $25K per year –significantly less than working in a secondary public school.

However, all is not lost. An English degree certainly says at the very least you have the intelligence and tenacity to complete a four year degree. This is only helpful if you’ve accompanied it by serious work experience. So, you’re finished with your core classes – if you decide English is your major, great. Search immediately for a “real job” even if it means it will take you an extra year to complete college. And by “real job” I mean anything that’s 40 hours a week. Find a secretary position to gain a way into a company and learn some administrative skills. Wait tables and eventually focus on becoming management. Work in retail and do the same. Is teaching what you really want to do? Find an afterschool program to work at and see if you can start tutoring kids on a volunteer basis.

If you don’t want to stop at an English B.A., you do have other choices – you are not limited to graduate school in English. English majors actually perform better on the MCAT –the test you take to get into medical school – than biology majors. It’s because English majors study harder for the exam, knowing that they don’t have a solid background in biology.

You could also take the LSAT and go to law school – although, similar to English professors, the field is filled to the brim. You’ll only have to pick up the phone book to verify.

Other possibilities that require two master’s degrees include librarians and museum curators. For each of these career paths, you would pursue a master’s in your field of interest, plus a master’s in either library or museum science. Your field of interest doesn’t have to be English, either – you might choose to pursue folklore and mythology somewhere, or literature, as a couple of examples.

Review all of these options, first with yourself, and later, if you should choose, with your parents. They may be surprised by your number of options, and may be able to offer you further insight with these pathways in mind.

I’m about to graduate high school. I’ve been accepted into the college I wanted, and will move there to live on campus at the end of summer. I’m completely confused about choosing courses, deciding how many to take, what to take – it’s all kind of overwhelming. There’s going to be a freshman orientation, but I’ve looked at the “schedule” and it seems to be mostly socializing. I don’t know what to do, I’m a nervous wreck. I want my course schedule to be planned out now. – Frustrated Planner in Virginia

A full-time course load in college equals 12-18 hours of coursework, or at least 24 hours per academic year (the combination of fall, spring, and summer, in that order). Technically, anything over 18 hours a semester qualifies time, but it’s also academic suicide, especially during your first couple of years of enrollment in core curriculum.

Each college class is measured by the number of hours you are expected to attend per week. Each hour of attendance is traditionally accompanied by three weekly hours of homework. So, one three hour course might average nine hours of homework per week. Depending on the professor’s syllabus and demands, it could be more or less – the average is simply an estimate.

Core curriculum classes cover the basics, and are probably similar to classes you took your first two years of high school – math, science, social studies, literature, and foreign languages. You have to take the basic levels of these classes in order to progress into the fun stuff – the higher level classes that you get to choose based more upon your personal interest.

Whether you’ve already made up your mind about your major and career path or not, plan to take three basic three hour courses plus one three hour elective. An incoming freshman who chooses the minimum hours required, is, at least in my opinion, very wise.

Your university probably has degree plan information posted at its website; if you can’t locate it, call the registrar’s office on campus and ask where to find it. I encourage you to look at several different degree plans to get an idea of different requirements, but your first year or two will likely look similar regardless.

As for freshman orientation – it may offer more guidance than you’re predicting, or at least offer the option for that guidance. When I went to freshman orientation, each student had choices to make in the events – choices that echo prioritizing during college: will your emphasis be on the college social life, academics, or, optimally, a healthy balance of the two?

I’m a pro at any number of video games. I own all of the major gaming consoles, and right now, I’m stuck on the latest Call of Duty – Modern Warfare. This is my primary attraction – I love military-themed games. I love the graphics, the strategy, and the weaponry. So now, I’m a senior in high school, thinking about what to do next, and two thoughts have occurred to me. One, I love graphics, so game design would be awesome, but I don’t know how to do that. Two, since I love the military theme so much, maybe the military would be a good first option for me. I come from a middle-class family that doesn’t really have the money to pay for college. – Trigger Happy

Interesting, signing yourself “Trigger Happy,” like that Xbox controller has anything in common with a real gun. Have you ever been to a shooting range?

That, my friend, is my first point. Military-themed video games, at least the kind sold to the general public, do not in any way equal real-life “modern warfare”. They do have some value in military training, but the various branches of the military use more in-depth versions, for specific positions, and they are only a small part of the entire military training experience.

The game design element has its limitations, as well. Gifted game designers only hit on something as successful as Call of Duty once in a great while, if ever, so any game designer expecting a stable career must be capable of diversification. Meaning, as a game designer, particularly a beginning game designer, you have to be willing and able to design Hoyle virtual card games and Barney and Friends as well as anything that actually holds your interest. In your beginning classes, you’ll have to master programming “Pong” and “Tic-Tac-Toe” before you get to Mario Brothers.

If you’re willing to start at the bottom, there are a number of excellent game design programs nationwide (utilize Google for this search), and you should also consider dual majoring in graphic design and programming. That will take you five years of full time college, but it certainly gives you career options.

For different reasons than your own, I think the military is often an excellent option before college. There are many options for specific training, and each branch teaches serious discipline, which is an asset in higher education – and in life, for that matter. But it comes with a price – you do have to be willing to lay your life on the line for this country. You also have to be healthy – I couldn’t enlist because I’m an epileptic.

Finally – these two options are not mutually exclusive. The military assists with paying for college, so you may consider completing a term of service and then enrolling in college. There are also other ways to pay for college – check out www.fafsa.gov for more information on grants, loans, and federal scholarships.

I just finished my second year of college, and, with my parents’ approval, have decided to take a full-time courseload all summer. So of course, I’m staying on campus, which is four hours’ drive from my parents’ house. They’ve paid for my tuition and fees thus far plus the cost of university room and board – I’ve had the on campus meal plan and lived in a dorm for two years now. Here’s the problem: while I am grateful for my parents’ financial support, I don’t want to live in the dorms anymore. I’ve actually been living primarily with my boyfriend, who goes to the same school. I just get my mail at the dormitory, that’s it. But now my parents have paid for summer session 1 in the dorms, and I feel really bad about it, since even paying for spring session turned out to be kind of a waste of money. I don’t think they’d approve of me living with my boyfriend, though. What should I do? –Goodbye to Dorm Life in Maryland

I suppose that depends on what outcome you’d prefer, as well as how you’d like to proceed regarding the rest of your college career.

First, what are your parents’ potential reasons for disapproving of you living with your boyfriend? If the reasons are religious, your parents may not be capable of flexibility in this department. If their reasons primarily consist of fears regarding societal taboos and/or resistance to dealing with the fact that you’re a biological (and hormonal) adult, you may be able to speak with them and communicate openly. You seem to have loving parents, in any case, since they’re supporting you through school, so regardless, their feelings count in this situation. And no, they shouldn’t be paying for living arrangements that you don’t utilize.

As a college student, though, you’re a legal (if not financial) adult, and if they don’t realize that you’re going to make your own decisions at this point, with or without their input, they’re a bit naïve. I can sit here and tell you that you should listen to them until I’m blue in the face (and you’re very annoyed) and you’re still going to do whatever it is you want to do.

But what exactly is it that you want to do? Do you just want to be out of the dorms? Would it be possible to find a platonic roommate with whom to share an apartment or house? Obviously you’d still be able to spend time with your boyfriend, at your leisure, but there’s something to be said for having your own space. Have you ever retreated to your dorm because of some frustration or another with your boyfriend? If so, you’re not ready to move in together. In fact, you’ll both likely feel trapped if the dorm option disappears. Retreating – or escaping – to deal with any sort of problem is indicative of some immaturity and weaknesses within any relationship. It has to evolve beyond those weaknesses for success.

If you’re able to deal with your day-to-day frustrations with one another without “escaping,” perhaps living with your boyfriend is what you actually want. Have your parents met your boyfriend? Do they disapprove of him as an individual? If they haven’t even had the chance to meet him, you need to change that as soon as possible. Then, you must prepare yourself for open communication and the consequences thereof. There may be initial shock – and then again, there may not be, it wouldn’t surprise me if your parents were far savvier about the situation than you realize. If there is shock, prepare yourself for the possibility of an irrational response – and control yourself when dealing with that response. If you’re a mature adult that can truly handle cohabitating with your non-platonic person of choice, you can make yourself deal with this situation calmly. Don’t try to talk over anybody; instead, listen, no matter how long it takes, with an open mind. Hopefully you’ll eventually have the opportunity to state your own case, including your goals together as a couple. Explain his degree plan. Perhaps orchestrate a meeting – host a dinner – of both sets of parents.

Be aware of the worst case scenario: you may lose parental funding for college. Before taking the step that may lead to this, discuss the situation with your boyfriend. Would you want to finance your education yourself? Is it worth that? There are ways of doing it – you could work full-time and take a part-time courseload, for one thing. Many companies offer some sort of tuition reimbursement program on a part-time basis. There are also scholarships and federal grants. Stay away from loans, though, they aren’t worth it.

Consider all of the repercussions before proceeding. Ultimately, it’s your life – but it’s your parents’ money.

I’ve been accepted into two universities; one is well-known for being one of the best undergrad program for anyone that wants to go to medical school. The other is more focused on the general arts, I guess. My parents told me to accept the one that’s strong in pre-med. Here’s my problem: I don’t want to be a doctor. I would rather be a writer. I don’t know what I would write about, but English classes in high school – even the AP English classes – have been really easy for me, so I think that’s my natural talent. But my parents refuse to consider that. They think they’ve already made the decision for me. What can I do? – MDs Scare Me

Are your parents helping you in any way with paying for college? If they are, then my brief answer for you is a hardcore truth: money is in charge. Just like federal financial aid requires students to take a certain number of course hours and maintain a minimum GPA in order to continue funding, parents have their own rules for their funding to continue. You have to do your job, whatever it may be, to get paid. Even if you own your own business, the success of the business determines how much you get paid and in turn is created by how hard you work – so the money is still in charge.

So, let’s cover this funding issue first. Your parents have probably not considered the idea that you may refuse their assistance (and I’m sure you haven’t considered this idea, either!). Certainly the best thing for you to do would be to continue their support under whatever stipulations they may postulate. This doesn’t mean you’re also not allowed an opinion; open the lines of communication, without being a self-righteous know-it-all, and gently start asking questions. Why do they want you to go into the medical profession? Listen with an open mind, don’t listen in preparation for argument. Discuss your fears and your long term goals. If you listen to them with consideration, they should do the same for you. A good short-term goal for you would be to take core curriculum courses at the pre-med university, including a couple of hard science courses, and see how you feel and how your parents react to your feelings.

If your parents can’t/won’t listen to you at all, and after taking a year of coursework you are positive that you simply do not have it in you to pursue a career in health care, you’re going to have to find a way to financially support yourself through college. That may mean deferring enrollment for at least a year – which you can do, through the registrar’s office, provided your grades have been consistently acceptable – and getting a full-time job while you save some money. But consider, also, that if you have no experience, education, or skills, that first full-time job is not likely to be something you enjoy, unless you’re looking for a skilled-laborer career and as such seek some sort of apprenticeship. What you’re likely to find, though, if that’s not what you’re looking for, is a job in retail or food service. And the bottom-of-the-barrel positions in these fields take a great deal of strength and patience. Just be warned. You may not enjoy pre-med coursework, but you may not enjoy your first full-time job, either.

Also, it’s important for you to research exactly what you can do with pre-med studies. You’re not confined to medical school. You could pursue nursing, physical therapy, counseling, and other aspects of health care, as well as zoology, biology, veterinary school, and other science-oriented careers. And by the time you finish your bachelor’s degree, I sincerely hope you’re in charge of your own finances so you can make that part of your career/education decision independently.

Regarding writing – take it from a struggling author, the ability to write professionally does not stem from a related degree or from those AP English classes. Yes, I slept through those classes, too. Journalistic writing, legal writing, and other types of specific writing may require at least coursework for guidance. But if your intention is simply to write, you can write about your own experiences in whatever field you choose. If you pursue pre-med studies, your non-fiction efforts could encompass anything from the actual things you study to your general experience going through that college plan. Your fiction efforts might gear toward science fiction (use your imagination to enhance those biology classes!) or college lifestyle. You’ll have lots of inspirational choices; we all collect them as we gain experience.

Finally, this limiting ideology of “natural talent” is ridiculous. All that means is you want the easy way out. So what if it comes easy to you? Maybe that means you already know enough, for the time being, about that particular subject. The easy way out usually leads to the cheap way of living, in the long run. Tenacity, focus, ambition, and work ethic will create success in any subject. “Natural talent” simply breeds laziness.

Graduation is coming up, and I’ve been actively searching for jobs everywhere I can find. I’m an anthropology major with certification in human resources. I really want to relocate, so a friend suggested I try monster. I started planning and searching at the beginning of spring semester, so I thought surely I would have options. But I’ve had only one telephone interview, despite having applied for at least fifty jobs! I used the free resume evaluation service at monster, and all they suggested was that I make it more original. What does that mean? Put my name in hot pink instead of black? Frustrated Pending Graduate in California

What I’ve always found fascinating about those resume services is that the people actually conducting the evaluations didn’t manage to successfully find traditional jobs. Those people are simply individuals hired on a freelance basis. When I was looking for jobs on monster, I did the same free resume evaluation as you, and got exactly the same answer – plus the suggestion that I pay monster some overpriced sum for them to write my resume for me. That’s ridiculous, since I’m a writer, and at the time I was applying for technical writer positions.

What kind of fraud would I be to have someone else write my resume? I’m appalled at the thought. Plus, what would they do differently? Make up information? Add a few spaces and hypertext here and there? It’s just some freelance schmuck like me on the other end of the line. And you, with your HR certification – I would argue that such a step for you would be equally fraudulent, and I suspect you’re much more qualified to write your own resume than any writer working for monster. You’re just so nerve-wracked by job hunting amidst a recession that you’re allowing fear to interfere with your confidence and common sense.

Since you’re in college, soon to be an alumnus, take a trip to Career Services on campus. They should have someone to evaluate resumes and offer suggestions. You’ve already paid for this service with your fees, so take advantage of it. After receiving feedback on both your job hunt and your resume, take an extra step toward success, and visit the departments on campus that might hire someone with your degrees. You’re not job hunting in this particular instance, so it doesn’t matter whether or not they actually are hiring. Instead, you want to ask if you can view anyone’s resume that’s already been hired by that department. I’m not referring to your academic department(s), either – faculty resumes, also called curriculum vitaes, are an entirely different ballgame.

For example, since your certification is in HR, visit the HR department(s) on campus. It’s possible – even likely – that your university has multiple HR departments; the library probably has one of it’s own, as does whatever campus-wide computer services department (not the academic one) exists at your university. You can find most of this information on-line. Visit all that you can, and simply offer an honest explanation of what you’re doing. You’re pursuing a career in this field, trying to relocate, and you’re looking for some examples of successful resumes or perhaps feedback on your own.

Do continue to use the web to search for resume advice, but don’t use monster. Look for new websites that still maintain some kind of idealism and passion for the subject. Google Career Guide 101, as well as Psychotic Resumes, to start.

Whatever you do, don’t pay someone to evaluate or re-write your resume. There’s no guarantee that they’re any more qualified than anyone else, and you’re just throwing money (in a tight economy) down a virtual drain.

During my last undergraduate semester, I realized that jobs for people with sociology degrees were limited, to say the least. I chose sociology because I love the subject, and I assumed the career path would work itself out. I was naïve, of course. So, since I didn’t know what else to do, I went on to graduate school. As I approach the end of my M.A., I realize I made a mistake. I’ve loved every minute of my degrees, but I’m in a lot of debt because of them. I could go on to my PhD, but I’ve already got two degrees from the same university, which is a handicap in the academic job market. I don’t know what to do. The recession has me tied up in knots. The good news is, if I’m so broke I’m homeless, the Stafford loan people won’t be able to find me to demand repayment. Ideas? – Future Resident of a Colony Under a Bridge

Ah, the moribund humor of a sociologist. Just what I needed to perk up my day…

Actually, as my goofy but insightful father would say, you’re singing to the choir. Give yourself a pat on the back, though – you’ve figured things out before I did. I was three years into PhD coursework before I realized that I had pretty much cursed any possibility of a career in academia by limiting the diversity of my degrees. My frustration and ensuing depression impeded my ability to pass comprehensive exams, so I’m a dissertation and exam short of the actual degree. And if I ever do pursue a PhD, it will be in something else entirely.

Don’t allow yourself to get wrapped up in this kind of self-indulgent depression. The good news is, you do have options. The bad news is that it may take longer than you initially planned to complete your options, and you’ll probably continue to financially struggle during the rest of this quest.

First, if you do have your heart set on work in academia, don’t go immediately to PhD coursework. Instead, you need to pursue a second master’s degree, in a different but related discipline, like history, philosophy, or anthropology, for example – and at a very different school. While grad school applications deadlines have passed, many grad schools now have spring enrollment as well, so research graduate schools and see what you can plan.

If you prefer to pursue a career outside of academia, you’re going to need work experience, and potentially some sort of certification. With a master’s in sociology, you could do some sort of social work, for a government agency or a non-profit organization. In order to gain experience and the funds to pursue the necessary certification for that (often about a year of coursework at a community college), consider pursuing AmeriCorps (funding for that just tripled) where you volunteer to work with impoverished areas in this country for a year in exchange for education funding, a small living stipend, and health insurance. If you’re interested in gaining similar experience internationally, pursue the Peace Corps, which has similar benefits.

Finally, if you think you might be at home in a library or museum, look for graduate programs in library science and museum science. There’s a shortage particularly of librarians, and with your first master’s in sociology you have the potential to become a specialized librarian in the humanities. If you decide to do that, volunteer at either a library or at a local museum for the entire time you’re working on that master’s degree to maximize your career potential. Best of luck; you can do it!

I’m about to graduate with my BBA. I went to my department’s career fair last month, submitted applications to every job available, and followed up with each application within two weeks. Again and again, I was told that I don’t have experience. Well, of course I don’t have experience! I’ve been going to school full-time for the past four years, including summers! I don’t get it, and I have no idea what to do now. Maybe I should pursue an MBA? My department has a late deadline for internal applications. – Business Major in Arizona

You’ve fallen into a horrible higher education trap, and that’s unfortunate, but continuing higher ed rather than seeking work experience is just going to suck you deeper into this hole. An MBA may be something you should pursue sometime down the road, but not right now. If you go straight to an MBA, you’re going to have even greater difficulty finding a job – without work experience, potential employers will assume you have no real-world knowledge accompanied by an entitlement complex. Whether or not either is true is immaterial; perception is what’s important in the job market.

I assume the kinds of jobs at your business department’s career fair were the kind that required business degrees. Before you secure one of those jobs, you’re going to have to start a little lower on the totem pole. What do you think you want to do in the long run? Is there any particular career area that would make you happy for at least a few years?

For example, are you interested in retail management? If so, go apply for a checkout or stocking or sales position immediately in any area store that holds your interest. Don’t expect to relocate in the current economic climate. During an interview, when asked about your long term goals, say something to the effect of, “I recognize I have a lot to learn about this business, but I hope that as I gain more experience and knowledge over time that I’ll become management material.”

You can pursue this similarly in any work environment. If you’re interested in the banking business, apply for a teller position. You may have to begin any given position on a part-time basis, which will make your financial life difficult for awhile. But please, trust me, you’re better off. Pursue an MBA on your future employer’s time (and dollar!), and the degree will actually have value.

My brother is autistic. He’s brilliant with numbers and memorization – typical characteristics of autism – but he has a lot of trouble in social situations. He doesn’t understand emotions or how to operate socially; for example, he can’t necessarily be counted upon to wait for an appropriate time to say something. So, in a class, he can be a real interference for other people’s concentration. I understand that. However, he’s so bright in other ways, and I hate to see him miss out on college. What do you think? –Mary in Maryland

I am definitely not qualified to give advice on autism, but I can give you my perspective regarding an autistic individual on campus. When you say you hate to see him “miss out” on college, what do you mean? Are you afraid he’ll miss out on the social setting? That is certainly a large part of the American college experience, getting to interact with different kinds of people in different ways, in and out of the classroom. In some ways, that would make him a sort of unique asset to a college campus, provided he could function academically, by giving those around him experience working with someone with autism – which is still a highly misunderstood disorder, even within the medical and education professions.

How will the experience make him feel? Is he uncomfortable around others? This could potentially broaden his horizons as well, but his degree of discomfort is important to take into account. Misery isn’t a good teacher for anyone.

Could you take him to visit some of your classes? Perhaps meet together with your brother and the professor(s) ahead of time, maybe even talk to a few of the people in the class? I firmly believe most people have good intentions, and if people understand beforehand what you’re trying to do, they’re likely to be supportive. We’re by nature a curious species, and if you answer some questions before bringing your brother to class, you could potentially avoid questions that may be rude, out of place, or make your brother feel uncomfortable.

If the social experience is not what you’re concerned with, and it’s either the formal degree or the collection of knowledge, realize that there are many accredited college programs that are entirely online, and these programs are eligible for federal financial aid the same way as any other college program. There also may well be specific scholarship assistance for autistic students, and you should take your brother to consult with disability services on campus, virtual or otherwise, as well. He will have to meet the same admissions requirements as anyone else, but he’s not going to be judged on how well he can read someone’s emotions or on the acceptability of his social mannerisms.

I’m a freshmen in college. I was a mediocre student in high school, so I didn’t get any scholarships for college; I’ve used grants and loans for my first year. I’ve made a big turn-around in college, though, and I’ve actually got all A’s so far. I went to my campus scholarship office and collected information and applications for every scholarship I’m eligible for. I noticed that there were many more scholarships specifically for minority students than for anybody else, so, since I’m white, I actually have fewer scholarship opportunities. That seems completely unfair. I’m just as poor and just as hard working as any other student! I think this is racism! Why am I being penalized because of the color of my skin? – Paleface in Alabama

While I’m impressed with your grade point average, and especially with the fact that you’ve made such a wonderful transformation from your high school years, you need to understand that scholarships have never been based solely upon grade point average. If GPA was the only criteria, every student with a GPA of 3.0 or better would receive at least some scholarship money.

Every scholarship fund is set up by either an individual or a committee, depending upon source. The scholarship’s committee or individual retains the right to determine criteria for the award.

And why are there so many scholarships that target minorities? Think about this: in the U.S., less than 10% of whites are at or below the poverty level. Among blacks and Hispanics, the number jumps to well above 20% of each group, and among the Native American population, over 25% live in poverty. Is it your fault they’re impoverished? No. Did you choose to be born white? Probably not. However, the fact is, whether or not you personally grew up impoverished, a smaller percentage of your ethnic group suffers through poverty.

Ask yourself, honestly, whether you did grow up in poverty. Did you always have something to eat? A place to sleep? Did you have to worry about finding a place to shower with warm water in the winter? These are very real trials faced by those suffering in poverty in this country, and most of these people are either black, Hispanic, or Native American. The fact that you even knew how to apply for federal financial aid makes it likely you’re not a part of this group, regardless of the amount of pigment in your skin.

So why do scholarships utilize these statistics rather than focusing entirely on evaluating each individual? The numbers on the forms utilized by the federal financial aid system as well as other need-based scholarships can be manipulated, especially by educated people, which is why the very rich in this country often get out of paying significant taxes. The financial aid system cannot be relied upon entirely to determine who’s impoverished and who’s not. If we determined that number by the claims on financial aid forms, half of this country would probably qualify as impoverished! By targeting specific ethnic groups with a high rate of poverty, scholarship awards increase their potential for helping raise up communities that don’t really start on a level playing field.

Scholarship awards are often determined in large part by an individual’s contribution to the community. Your GPA is admirable, but recognize that, while it is a testament to your responsibility, intelligence, and drive, it is also something which is beneficial to you alone. Perhaps in preparation for next year’s round of scholarships you should consider some volunteer work; most college students should take a semester or year off of school and do some serious work for an organization such as the Peace Corps or AmeriCorps, both of which offer scholarship opportunities.

If taking a semester or a year off isn’t for you, look for your local chapter of Habitat for Humanity. Spend some time in the poorest neighborhoods in your area. Ask people what you can do to help, and do it. If you have to take fewer course hours at a time, so be it. This contributes to your education as an individual outside of the formal classroom, and will make you a better person. That it will help you get scholarships and, later, look good on a resume, are only added side benefits!

I have this professor who’s really bad at teaching. I mean, she’s terrible. Talks in a monotone, doesn’t answer questions well, and she has an attitude problem, a permanent chip on her shoulder. She’s known for being a really harsh grader – of course, I didn’t hear about that until after the date for a full refund had passed ! It’s like she has something to prove. The other day, someone in the class with me mentioned, “She’s probably just another spousal accommodation. It’s what’s driving down academia.” I nodded, and then later Googled it – as I’m sure you know, it means someone’s hired just because his or her spouse has already been offered a position. This is a terrible idea! Why would universities hire subpar teachers just because of who they’re married to? Corporate American doesn’t operate that way. -Disgusted in Arlington, Texas

Most people meet their future spouse at work or in school. A large percentage of academics meet their future partners in graduate school. Once a student hits a certain level of graduate school, especially in general “academic” subjects like the humanities and liberal arts, his or her career options actually become more limited because of the degree of specialization. Companies don’t want to hire an M.A. or a PhD with no experience outside of academia.

So, when a university hires a new professor, and the professor is already married to someone with same or similar education and career opportunities, accommodating his or her spouse is practically necessary to ensure that the professor actually accepts the position. Professors’ salaries are highly dependent upon subject matter as well as level of tenure, and professors in most fields start out at pay similar to secondary ed teachers in the public schools. It’s the various useless admin positions that make all the money. If professors want to pursue the American dream of a house and 2.5 kids, plus pay off their exorbitant amounts of student loans, they have to have a dual-income family. After spending eight years (and over $100K) in college, I feel they have the right to this pursuit. That’s where spousal accommodation comes in. Otherwise, universities are essentially penalizing individuals for falling in love with someone of like interests and mind.

Corporate America doesn’t worth that way because when they hire someone, his or her spouse is not generally limited in career options. If two people meet and fall in love while studying business, or something in health care, or any number of other things, they’re both likely to have plenty of career options wherever they spread out roots. It’s just a question of which one gets hired somewhere first – then the other one can narrow his or her job search to that particular region. College professors in most subjects don’t have this option. Most fields are over-saturated with PhDs, so even in cities that house multiple colleges the likelihood of finding multiple openings in one field at different colleges is slim.

Is this fair to you, the student, when you’re saddled with a lousy teacher as a result? No. But it’s also not fair that the professors themselves actually end up with fewer job opportunities because they kept going in school. It’s a choice, yes, but it was also a choice on your part to take this professor’s class. Next time do some research, Google “Rate My Professor”, and make a more informed decision.

As for what’s driving down academia – I would argue that what’s contributing to the generally sub-par teaching quality in academia is the tendency of universities to hire professors based on publications and name recognition rather than teaching abilities. Plus, you don’t have to have any experience or education in teaching to be a professor. All that’s necessary for that is a PhD – and while that’s nothing to sneeze at, it doesn’t provide adequate preparation for teaching. Personally, I think all professors should be required to take the state-mandated teaching certification courses like the rest of the educators. The best professor I had in college had two master’s degrees – one in history, and one in education, plus her PhD in history.

For some reason, I always assumed that I had some sort of college fund. I go to a middle-class suburban high school, and all of my friends have talked about their college funds…I don’t know why I never thought to actually ask my own parents before. Now I find out that my parents haven’t invested well and in fact are in pretty deep financial trouble, definitely no money to help me with college. I had already put out applications to several universities and just assumed I had college paid for. Stupid, I know. A couple of the applications asked if I wanted to be considered for “need-based scholarships” and I checked “no.” What can I do now? Is it too late? Can I still apply for scholarships? How else can I get college paid for? -Broke in Florida

Whether or not you can still apply for scholarships depends entirely upon the scholarship source. Your college of choice has a scholarship office, although it may be called something else; talk to either the registrar’s office or admission’s office to find it. If you already have a major field of study in mind, you should also speak with that particular department; it likely gives out scholarships specific to major. Additionally, the different “colleges” may offer scholarships that are geared toward general fields of study; for example, the College of Business may offer various awards for students majoring in any business field (accounting, management and information systems, etc.). So consult the colleges as well.

I have found that the most knowledgeable person in any given college or department is generally the department’s head secretary. She (or he) is who keeps the department tied together and keeps all of the various paperwork organized, and therefore often has the most detailed and accurate information regarding specific scholarships. Call all of these offices, sooner rather than later; even better, if there’s a day during the week that you, along with your parents and/or maybe a trusted teacher or guidance counselor, can visit these offices in person, take advantage of it. It’s much easier to put off a person on the phone than it is a person standing in front of you.

If the deadlines have passed for most or all of these scholarship opportunities, don’t despair. You have other options. Although there are some scholarships that are specific to incoming freshmen, there are many, many others that either do not specify class or are only for students who have spent at least a year in college. There are also many scholarships that review applications and award money on a semester by semester basis, so provided you perform well academically during the fall semester, you may have scholarship opportunities for the spring.

You also have the option of pursuing funding from a specific place of work. Many places now have tuition assistance programs, so if you already have a job, check into the requirements. If you plan on seeking a job, when choosing where to apply, research each company’s tuition assistance program(s). If you choose this path, you may have to work full time and attend school part time, at least for a while. That’s not necessarily a bad thing; places that offer this type of program generally allow you take three classes per semester and work your work schedule around those classes. If you take advantage of the program consistently, taking 9 credit hours per semester, your bachelor’s degree will not be postponed by as much as you might think. It may take you six years instead of four – but most people average about 5 years now anyway.

Another source of funding for college is federal – and you’ll have an advantage there for need-based funding, since you’re parents are kind of in dire financial straits. You’ll fill out a federal application for student aid. There will be tax forms and such from your parents (as well as from you, if you have a job) that you’ll need to complete their forms, but you’re far from too late for them. You have plenty of time to collect the necessary forms and fill out the information. It may be helpful to visit the campus financial aid office for some guidance; however, don’t completely buy into what they have to say about loans. You’re trying to get as much grant money as you can. Do not take out loans from a private lender. The only kind of loan money you may want to accept – in the smallest amounts you can – are subsidized loans, because the government will pay the interest on those loans while you’re in school. Federal funding is contingent upon full-time attendance at school, though, so do keep that in mind.

There’s another really helpful site, too, Funding-College , that offers advice on all types of college funding. Definitely visit them; you’ll find some very helpful information.

Above all, don’t be afraid that your lack of a college fund will keep you from getting a college degree. It won’t. The majority of people who enter college every year do not have college funds, and many do not have scholarships, either. You can do it.

I’m trying to decide what job I want before I start college in August. I’ve applied to several universities and been accepted to two of them, and the where I go kind of depends on what I decide I want to do with my life. I’m trying to take an unbiased look at both efficiency and marketability of the degree. Of course, I’d also like to do something I like, but I don’t want to tell you what that is because I want your unbiased opinion: what’s the most efficient and lucrative college degree I could get for today’s job market? -Planner in Portland

Although some will argue that you should experiment with classes and find out what you love, I admire your pragmatism and will refrain from giving you such lofty, idealistic advice. Too many incoming freshmen begin college with little to no concept of why they’ve enrolled, and as such succumb to thinking of college as simply another version of high school. They listen to well-intentioned guidance counselors and go to college to “find themselves” and to find a career path. But drowning in a full time college courseload is not conducive to “finding” the best individual path. More often than not, it leads to finding the easiest path – usually not the best.

If by “efficiency” you are referring to finding an educational path that leads to the highest salary in return for the shortest time in school, you need to look outside of a four-year university. Becoming a dental hygienist, for example, takes a two year associate’s degree, and the salary and benefits are well above the median numbers of this country’s entire job market. Plus, they’re in high demand.

If, on the other hand, you’re using “efficiency” to describe a career path that requires the least amount of personal financial contribution as well as offering coursework that almost immediately is directly tied into your future job, nursing is an excellent profession. Many hospitals offer assisted tuition programs, especially if you’re willing to pursue the Licensed Vocational Nurse associate’s degree first and then work for the hospital while pursuing the Registered Nurse coursework (three years beyond the LVN, approximately). Many people assume that doctors have a better financial path than nurses; not so, because most of them graduate medical school with loads of student loan debt, and then, they’re often underpaid in comparison to those bills. Medical school is like law school – tons of people want in, tons of people graduate, and then there’s enormous competition for the best jobs. And as for a doctor opening his or her own practice – the malpractice insurance costs are exorbitant.

Any engineering degree is the way to go if you’re looking for a job with guaranteed high income and high job demand upon graduation. Chemical engineering, civil engineering, mechanical engineering, software engineering, aeronautical engineering – these are all jobs that never seem to have enough candidates, and they pay really well. I would avoid petroleum engineering if I were you, as the use of petroleum is decreasing and as such so is the employment associated with it.

Teachers are in high demand, but only in a couple of areas. There is a nationwide shortage of math teachers, English-as-a-Second-Language teachers, and Special Ed teachers. These positions pay well and also offer significant assistance with paying off any loan debt you accumulate during school. Additionally, while teaching in the public schools requires an extra year of teaching certification classes beyond the bachelor’s degree, these three types of teaching positions have experienced such a shortage that most schools will hire you and then pay for some sort of emergency certification program.

Having said all of this, allow me to discourage you from pursuing a education/career path that is outside of your strengths. While I firmly believe that your “I will” is more important than your “IQ”, if you struggle terribly with math, engineering is going to be an extremely frustrating degree plan. If you’re squeamish, nursing is not for you, and if you can’t do foreign languages, ESL teaching is not going to work.

Consider these options. If you need more time to “find yourself” and decide on a degree plan, also consider pursuing classes at a community college before paying twice the price at a university; you can request deferred enrollment at the major universities that have already offered you admittance.

I’m graduating in August with a degree in theatre. I know, I know, why did I pursue a Bachelor of Fine Arts, when it can’t really help me find a job? I’ve got about $5K of Stafford loan debt to show for it, too. I majored in it because I absolutely love the theatre, and wanted to learn more about, specifically, lighting and set design. However, it’s not like the job fairs on campus have anybody looking for lighting and set designers, and when I’ve asked my professors about it, they’ve just given me kind of blank stares and either mumbled something about grad school or about Google. Do you have any suggestions? – When The Lights Go Down in the City

Hilarious – you signed your letter with the title of a song by Journey! Do you listen to a retro station a lot? I didn’t think there was anyone who would write to me that had any idea who Journey was. Maybe you don’t, actually, and it’s just a coincidence. But I digress.
Okay, so, perhaps if you had written me at the beginning of your degree plan, I would have advised theatre as a minor with a major in something a little more useful yet with potential for the theatre industry, like, oh, maybe software development. However, we’re in the now, so to speak, and I think I can help you.

First of all, if you haven’t already, reconcile yourself to the fact that you’re not going to get a high paying job right out of school, even if you were to go on to graduate school. You can find a job, but it may start out at close to minimum wage, especially in the world of fine arts. You’re going to have to prove yourself, prove your talent and your skills, while also gaining experience and the respect of the industry, one person at a time.

You’re not likely to immediately progress to Broadway, either, unless you’re graduating from Julliard – and if you were, your professors would advise you in some specific way rather than muttering generalities at you. Don’t you wish that had been so unenthusiastic when they were encouraging you to major in theatre? There’s a degree of hubris in academia that’s the absolute worst in the fine arts that prevents that honesty, though.

Even though Broadway is not in your immediate future, it can be a long term goal, and there are other paying theatres that can get you there first. No, you’re not likely to find a theatre job fair. Instead, start considering which cities you’re willing to live in, and research their theatre culture. You’re going to have to concentrate on large cities, but again, not necessarily L.A. or New York – although I do encourage you to try, perhaps research whether they have any slavery-oriented intern positions available. There are other cities with prestigious theatres that are more likely to be hiring, such as the Alley Theatre, in Houston, where I grew up. The most popular Broadway plays travel to other theatres across the nation – and those theatres are the ones most likely to offer some sort of stable work environment. Lighting design isn’t limited to play production, either; you can visit various arenas that host mainstream musical concerts – they require lighting design as well.

If you find some sort of internship position that pays next to nothing, don’t fret. It will lead you to stability, though it may take a year or two or at least one major show. You just have to accept the fact that you’ll have to get a second job, whether working in a grocery store or waiting tables. Ironically, you’ll have a better shot at getting this kind of job with a B.F.A. in theatre than with a Master’s degree – you’re less threatening with the Bachelor’s.

Regarding the Stafford loan debt – you’re way lower than average, and it’s not going to be a problem for you. Provided you discuss things with a financial aid counselor as well as your lender, you’ll be able to automatically defer payments for the first year after college – and if all of your loans are subsidized, the government will continue to pay the interest on them during that year. Also, there are several new programs that just developed, in the face of this recession, that allow partial forgiveness as well as income-based payments. Write me in a year if you think you need those, but I doubt you will. Your debt is too small; you’re already looking at payments of maybe $100 a month for ten years.

Finally, keep in mind – even though you’re going to have to start small (and underpaid) you have control of your future, and if you’re both patient and driven, the lighting design skills that you learned in that theatre degree will eventually take you where you want to go.

I’m a senior in high school, and I’ve been accepted into the college I really want to go to. But I just found out that you have to live in the dorms your first year if you don’t live with your parents – and it’s in another city, so I can’t live with my parents. I don’t mind the idea of living with a roommate I don’t know, that’s not my problem. My problem is that I don’t want to leave my dog, Twix. He’s been my best friend and constant companion since I started high school, when I rescued him from the shelter where I volunteered. He sleeps next to my bed every night. When I go somewhere with friends for a weekend, Twix doesn’t eat – and, honestly, I don’t sleep that great. I’m used to having him right next to me. Are there any colleges with dorms that allow pets? Is there anyway I can get an apartment instead? I don’t have a disability or a psychiatric condition…but I just can’t part with my dog. –Twix’s Best Friend in Mississippi

Oh gosh, this must be absolutely heart-wrenching for you. Here you are, trying to do the right thing, take the next step into adulthood – flee the nest and go to college – but it looks like you may have to make a choice between that and your best bud. How grossly unfair! My dog, Merlin (also a shelter dog, pictured on this page, when he was about six weeks old) is my constant companion and beacon of emotional support. There’s no way I could live anywhere he’s not welcome. However, I’m fortunate, I didn’t rescue him until after dorm life (and dorm requirements) were in my rearview mirror.

I searched the internet for “pets in dorms,” among other things, and there’s some good news for you: as the notion of “pet therapy” has become more popular, select dorms have opened up to accommodate pet lovers. It’s thought to ease the transition, especially for incoming freshmen, between home and college. However, this is still a small trend, and few schools have confronted this issue yet, and many look at it with very real, justified trepidation. Certainly it has to be a special area/floor/building, so that pet-allergy sufferers are not subjected to the very things they’re allergic to. So that’s an added expense. Plus, these types of dorms definitely have to require some sort of non-refundable deposit, for the same reason apartments require them: some pets cause serious damage to carpet, walls, furniture, etc.

Additionally, some administrators have argued that it is unfair to an animal to be confined to a dorm room for the majority of the time (although Merlin, now 9 years old, sleeps a lot and would be perfectly happy despite his massive size). There are also other practical concerns – for example, where would you walk your dog? Of course, policies could be enacted regarding picking up pet waste on campus, but enforcing such policies could be a big hassle and expense for any university. It would be a necessary hassle, too, because having a campus filled with pet waste will very likely lessen the number of students seeking admission.

Other advice columnists might advise you to get over it, “grow up,” and leave your dog to be taken care of by your parents. I’m not one of them. Do a search for pet-friendly dorms and see if any colleges sound interesting to you. I know, however, that many application deadlines have passed already, so I have another, more realistic and immediate suggestion for you. Most major universities are willing to defer admission if they’ve already approved you for admission. So, get in touch with the registrar’s office at the university and see how to secure deferred admission/enrollment, for one year. During that year, live with your parents and take your first year of core classes at a community college, then transfer. At that point, you’re a designated transfer student, which means you can seek your own living space, as you’ll have passed beyond the requirements for on-campus living.

I’m a senior in high school, and I’m a wide receiver for my high school football team. I’m completely torn up about what to do. My GPA is excellent, and I’ve been accepted into an Ivy League school with significant scholarship money. I’m an African-American, from a pretty poor family, so this would be HUGE for my family. However, I’ve also been recruited by one of the schools in the Big 12 conference for a football scholarship. I love football, and I’d love to go pro after college. But – Ivy League – man, I just don’t know what’s the right thing to do. -Southern Athlete

You’re amazing, and I’m excited for you no matter what you do. But I understand you’re in the midst of a difficult decision, and I think you’ll make whatever the best one is for you.

First of all, do you have someone in your life impartial enough to give you an outsider’s assessment of your skills? And I don’t mean your teachers, coaches, or the recruiters/admissions counselors at either of your college options, either. I mean a relative, friend, colleague, or someone who doesn’t have anything to lose or gain by giving you an honest opinion, and here’s why: I haven’t been to any of your football games, so I can’t even begin to assess the degree of your talent. Obviously the recruiter from the Big 12 school has assessed your talent as remarkable enough that it will benefit his college team – but there are many more students who are talented enough for college ball than there are that have the skills for the NFL – or even their various “farm teams.”

(Aside: for my readers who don’t follow football, Big 12 is a “conference” of 12 major college football teams in the south who play each other to determine who gets to go to which “bowl” games.)

So, you need someone to assess the degree of your talent for football. And maybe the best person for that is actually you, if you can trust yourself to take a step back and try to evaluate yourself against the newest NFL draft picks. Use statistics, yards thrown, interceptions, yards run, etc. You know more about the statistics than I do. Look carefully and decide if you think you’ve got what it takes.

If you decide that you do – good for you. Even so, your decision on college is still not complete. Even though the Ivy League school didn’t offer you a football scholarship, is it possible for you to play for them while you attend school? Perhaps the NFL doesn’t focus as much on that particular college team for draft picks, but certainly if your talent is sufficient it will be visible in either place.

Finally, what do you want to do, if football doesn’t work out? As in, what would you like to major in? If, for example, the Big 12 school you’re considering is the University of Texas, and you want to do something with business – well, they’ve got one of the best business programs in the country, and a degree from there will definitely help rather than impede your success. However, if you want to do something in the humanities, social sciences, or liberal arts, a college in the Ivy League is definitely your best bet. Research your options, especially in regards to each school’s departmental strengths. And do remember that you likely have an option of playing football for either.

I’m graduating in May and I’ve already had several job interviews. My applications and my resume look good, and I do well on interviews. At the end of my last interview, they asked for me to submit a copy of my official transcript as soon as possible. Problem is, I’ve got two library fines from lost books that add up to $400! I can’t afford to pay that, so the university won’t release my transcript! This seems wrong to me, as those transcripts are grades that I earned and paid for. I can’t pay the fine until I get a job, and I can’t get a job until I pay the fine. Is there anything I can do? - Need My Grades in Maryland

Um, perhaps settle the score with the library? Yes, those grades are yours, but the university has the right to hold onto the official records until you pay all of your bills, including library fines. I believe your unofficial transcript will still be available online, as is the case with most universities, and you can start out by referring the potential employer(s) to that, either in print or online, while you work on securing an official copy. Be honest with the employer(s); you don’t have to tell them the amount of money or that it’s a library fine, but you can indicate that you have some charges at the university that you’re struggling to pay, and that as soon as you’ve done that, your official transcript will be available.

Next step: discuss the situation with the library. Did you in fact lose two books? If so (and I imagine you did, or you would have protested otherwise) you have to replace those books. The exorbitant fines the library has imposed are intended to cover the cost of the books themselves as well as the time spent acquiring new copies. Also, you may not be aware, but when libraries purchase books, publishing companies charge them more than they would you – because the publishing company looks at it as sacrificing potential sales. However, if you purchase the books and then “donate” them, the library gets a better deal. Therefore, your best bet is to check Amazon or wherever else you buy your books, purchase a new (and in excellent condition!) copy of each book that you’ve lost, and bring them to the library. You may still have to pay some incidental fine, but we’re talking a small fraction of the current cost.

If by some chance your university’s library won’t accept such a deal, you need to find the money somehow, even if it’s collective loan money from friends and/or family. The university won’t release your official transcript even after you complete the degree if you’ve still got fines. They may not even send you your diploma – although that’s just decoration for your home office anyway, employers don’t care about the diploma. It’s the transcript that demonstrates you did complete a degree.

My best friend and I have been practically inseparable since elementary school. We’re now seniors in high school, and have both been accepted into the same college. Freshmen orientation is fast approaching, and of course, we’re going together. At that time, we’re supposed to make requests regarding dorm assignments and roommates. And here’s where I have a problem: I don’t want to share a tiny dorm room with her! I love her, she is my true, loyal, lifelong friend, my best friend – but one of the things that’s so great about our friendship is that we balance one another out, because we’re truly polar opposites. I’m insanely organized, methodical, and very protective of my space. I’m a neat freak who plans everything out ahead of time. She, on the other hand, is a mess (she’s not gross, but there are papers and books everywhere, wherever she is) and wouldn’t know how to plan something if her life depended on it. I mean, she’s responsible, in her own way, but she’s overwhelmingly spontaneous. It’s worked well for us – I help keep her feet on the ground and she helps me have fun. But living together? I just don’t know. –The Organized Best Friend in Los Angeles

Not to downplay your dilemma – because it is a very real dilemma – but I find this question amusing because of my relationship with my best friend, who I’ve been friends with since the third grade. Thank goodness we didn’t want to go to the same college, because we had a similar dynamic to your and your best friend – only I’ve always been the wild one. She’s quiet, organized, possessive of her space; she majored in accounting and became a really awesome math teacher. I went from majoring in journalism to photography to theatre to physics (I discovered I liked astronomy) to, finally, history, and then pursued my master’s degree because I couldn’t figure out what to do. Here we are, years later, and she’s bought a pretty house, is advancing up the administrative ladder in her school district, and has stretched out permanent roots. I’m still trying to decide where I could possibly live on a permanent basis (if there is such a place) and can’t plan something like a trip more than two weeks in advance.

So, you and your best friend have decided to go to the same college. This is not a bad decision. Nor, contrary to your fears, is it necessarily a bad decision to room together. I do understand the clash of spaces; when I visit my best friend, she’s always sincerely excited to see me, but no matter how neat I keep her guest bedroom, she’s excited when I leave, too. But it is possible to find a dorm situation where there’s enough space for both of you.

Many dorms consist of two adjoining rooms that share a bathroom space. Seek out this type of arrangement, and then your only major stress point will be the bathroom. In this space, set some boundaries and seek compromise. You say that you’re good at helping her keep her feet on the ground, that’s good. Go shopping for bathroom accessories together, and allow some of her wildness and creativity to influence organization materials. Be honest, tell her you’re really going to need organization in your shared space, and ask her what she thinks would work best. You don’t want makeup and bottles littered across the counter? Tell her that, and then have her pick out some sort of cabinet or shelf specifically for her stuff.

One of the biggest reasons I encourage you to room with her is actually because of how you feel about space and organization. Although you’re of opposite natures, she’s known you this long, so she surely cares how you feel and is aware of how stressed out her messiness can potentially make you. If you were to opt for an assignment with a random roommate, you could very easily end up with someone just as messy with much less concern for your feelings.

I’m working my way through college, and I’m struggling with keeping up with class while maintaining my job. I use federal financial aid to get through school, and I’ll lose that if I drop below 12 hours of coursework per semester. But I can’t sacrifice hours at my job; I need the money for bills, and I also need the job itself for my resume. A friend told me I’m placing too much resume value on the job, and that I should seek out additional loan money so that I can go to school without working. What do you think? – Time Is Money in Massachusetts

Don’t look into the light (of lifetime debt)! Don’t succumb to the loan sharks! Look at my mistakes and avoid them!

Enough with the exclamations already. I’m so glad you’re working while going to school, and even happier to hear that you understand the importance of a stable work history to your long-term career success. With most career paths, your on-the-job experience is more important than the formal degree. This is not to say you can be, say, a teacher, without a formal degree and certification – but even with a position like that which requires a formal degree, experience is valuable for gaining the most desirable position(s). Even if your job doesn’t precisely match your career choice, staying with the same job for your entire scholastic career provides strong testament to your stability, responsibility, and work ethic.

However, your academic work is suffering because of the job, and that’s not good, either. Where your friend is wrong, though, is how you should approach this (and solve the problem!). First, let’s go over federal financial aid, because I believe you’re making one key error. While it’s true you have to maintain full-time student status in order to remain eligible for federal grants and loans, status is not determined on a semester basis. Instead, the federal government classifies you as a full time student if you complete 24 credit hours per academic year. An academic year starts in the fall and ends at the conclusion of the following summer (the end of “summer session II for many universities). So, provided you’re willing to take one three hour class during each summer session, you can limit your long semester coursework to three classes or less at a time.

The worst thing that can come out of utilizing this scheduling to your advantage is an annual delay of your financial aid. What could happen is that if, during summer session II, you haven’t quite yet completed 24 hours, you may not receive your financial aid right at the beginning of fall semester. However, provided you’ve submitted your FAFSA by the proper deadline with all necessary materials, you will still be able to register for classes, and the university will either defer your payment deadline or offer you a no-interest or flat-fee ($20 or so) emergency loan, which will be automatically paid off upon arrival of your financial aid. The only delay would be the federal government waiting to ensure you do actually complete 24 hours.

Now, the feds will make the occasional exception for extreme circumstances. So, if you’re in such a tight bind right now that you need to drop a couple of classes, and you don’t see a way to make up for them by the end of this academic year, you have the option of visiting your financial aid counselor and discussing a petition for the following year. You’ll need to provide documentation of hardship for the current year – including medical, financial, and/or emotional (example: you’ve lost a loved one). If you have to go this route, be methodical in gathering as much information as possible. Discuss with your financial aid counselor which documentation may be needed. You’ll have to write a letter explaining yourself. Even if the initial request is denied by the federal financial aid office, you may file an appeal.

Bottom line: keep your job, and don’t dig yourself deeper into the hole of lifetime debt. I have complete confidence that you can experience academic success simultaneously.

I’m a sophomore in college. I graduated high school in the top 10% of my class, and was awarded a partial scholarship by the university I’ve chosen to attend. However, here I am, my second year of school almost complete, and one of the secretaries at the Honors College accidentally let it slip that I could have gotten a full scholarship, that I had essentially just fallen through the cracks. Literally, she said, halfway to herself, “Oh, goodness, why didn’t we award you the larger scholarship?” I’m so mad. I don’t know if I’ll ever trust this university again. What can I do? Suggestions? – Duped at Some Lousy University

I’m so sorry that a paperwork misstep cost you financially, and even sorrier that it has ended up costing your trust – sadly, rightly so. Universities exist for the students, though sometimes administration seems to forget that; they have a responsibility to see that all students receive the best opportunities possible. Conversely, though, they are under no obligation to give a certain amount of funding. So, while it’s deplorable that they’ve made this mistake, there’s nothing you can really “do” to either compensate for the injustice or regain the lost funds.

You can discuss with the honors college implementing the remainder of the scholarship for the rest of your time in college, if it’s available. I suspect they will be happy to do this much for you, if they’ve not done so already. You can also seek counsel with your academic advisor, or, even better, the student ombudsman, who is supposed to be an unbiased mediator between students and the university. I suspect he or she will come to the same conclusion I have, though: aggressively pursuing the matter in retribution will accomplish little if anything besides haunting your future academic pursuits.

As for your trust in the university, this is a good way to learn that mistakes do happen. While you can’t force yourself to trust the system to any degree, because trust is a feeling, you can begin to look at things the university has done for you that are positive. For example, you did receive some scholarship assistance, and the honors college did in fact finally notice – and regret – this error.

If your resentment runs so deep that you continue to struggle with this, maybe you do need to consider transferring and also seeking scholarship support from another university. Transferring after the first two years of study is fairly common, and if you’re consumed by negative feelings about the university, you’re going to be subconsciously looking for ways that the university has messed up. In the process, you may lose focus on things that matter – like your grades. So, see how you feel as you approach the end of this semester; consider all options with an open mind.

I’m graduating with my B.A. in philosophy in August. I want to be a philosophy professor at a university, so of course, I’ve applied to graduate school – actually, I’ve applied to a total of 15 graduate schools, on the advice of a friend who already has a master’s degree – she said I should maximize my potential by offering myself as many options as possible, particularly at other schools, because my academic resume will look better if each degree comes from a different university. I have a 3.9 (out of 4.0) cumulative GPA, I belong to a national honor society, and I do volunteer work for a local museum. Here’s my problem: 10 out of the 15 have already sent me rejection letters, and I think I know why. I think one or two of my recommendations, professors in my department, have failed to submit letters, and I don’t know why – they did agree to do so. But I have a hunch – and I checked my profile at one of the universities, and it indicated my application was rejected because it was “incomplete” – even though I had completed everything on my end. What can I do? - Frustrated in an Unnamed Place

Ouch. This is a terrible way for you to learn some very important lessons about academia – but no matter how terrible this may be, you’re better off learning these things now than later, when you’re trying to achieve a tenured faculty position yourself. Plus, maybe once you get to that point, you’ll hold onto this information and try to change the face of what has become a corrupt political structure.

First, there’s a very real struggle going on between the importance of a student’s personal academic reputation and the reputation of any given department. From the department’s perspective, a stellar student, such as yourself, has the potential to bring prestige to the department. You’re likely to publish something, if directed to the correct journals, and maybe even produce a thesis and/or eventual dissertation that could reflect beautifully on the department. As such, that department can use you, as a recruitment tool for future students as well as future funding, both external and internal.

Conversely, you, the student, have to worry about how the department will reflect upon you. No matter how prestigious the department may be, your friend is correct, your academic resume will look best if each degree comes from a different university. If you’ve formed close enough bonds with your professors, the hope is that they will focus on this part – the importance of your reputation.

Unfortunately, my guess is that you didn’t form any sort of truly personal bonds with your professors – I’m sure you excelled in their classes, wrote magnificent papers, and actively participate in discussions, lectures, seminars, etc. But this is only the surface of gaining recommendations, particularly ones who have a vested emotional interest in seeing you succeed. This kind of recommendation – the kind that you can trust to make good on all promises – is gained by a personal connection that has to happen outside of the classroom. It’s a tough tightrope to walk, too, because of course you can’t get too personal. You have to stroke the egos without seeming insincere, place the individuals in the role of mentor without crossing the line into friendship, and above all, you must learn as much as you can about them – ask them about accomplishments, find out about books they’ve published and ask to discuss one or the other over coffee sometime, express admiration at any awards they’ve won. It’s called schmoozing – and I’ve never been especially good at it, so I sympathize.

At this point, it’s a little late. Yes, you could consult student legal services at your university, or, even better (and more expensive!) find your own lawyer to pursue the matter. However, that can’t begin to compensate or repair the problem, and in fact may inhibit you from getting into grad schools in the future, if your reputation as a troublemaker gains any ground…which it surely would, as retaliation, if you placed your department under scrutiny. Plus, any fault found with your department in turn reflects upon your academic resume – you don’t want someone to think you got your bachelor’s degree from a flawed university.

The best thing for you to do right now is pursue at least the first year of master’s studies at your current university. Many master’s programs will accept one year of transfer credits, so keep that in the back of your mind. The next step, aside from learning to schmooze at your university, is to find some academic conferences at universities you really want to attend, and submit papers for presentation. Even if you’re not invited to present, attend these conferences, and do your best to get to know key professors at those universities. Make sure to start up a regular email correspondence so that they remember who you are and begin to take a personal interest in you. Once you secure an important connection at the desired university, it won’t matter that your original recommendations fail to deliver.

I’m half Vietnamese and half African American; my parents met while my father was stationed in Vietnam. I’m the youngest of four – kind of their “afterthought.” One of my roommate’s friends recently made a comment that I must have gotten my mom’s brains and my dad’s athletic skills – even though she’s never met my parents! I’m really offended, but my roommate says I need to quit being oversensitive and just “get over it.” – Multi-cultural in Texas

In a sense, neither you nor your roommate are wrong. It is in your best interest to get beyond it rather than allowing the incident to interfere with your stress levels. However, you are not being oversensitive, and your offense is justified, to at least a degree. This person was evidently not trying to insult you, but in some ways, I realize that makes the comment that much more insulting. She apparently thinks that it’s acceptable to assume that people of Asian descent have little athletic ability while people of African descent have lesser intelligence. Maybe we can give her some leeway in regard to your dad, though – he’s a military veteran, did she know that part? Because that certainly is indicative of some athletic prowess.

Even so, as I said, the comment was insulting, and your roommate’s friend needs some cultural – as well as biological! – education. If you sincerely would like her to expand her mind and avoid such clichés in the future, though, you’ll have to attempt to avoid being preachy. If this person is a regular part of your roommate’s life, get to know her better, and in the process, allow her to get to know you. When it’s appropriate, as you’re getting to know her, ask her where she grew up, and what her parents are like. This, then, gives you an opportunity to talk about your own upbringing – and you might bring up things that specifically contradict her assumptions, including accomplishments/interests of both of your parents, as well as your siblings – for example, “My sister looks so much like my dad, it’s crazy, but she really hates math – she’s more like my mom that way, focused instead on physical stuff.”

If you’re too irritated to embark upon such an educational crusade, I don’t blame you. You’re probably not going to change your roommate’s mind, but at least you have clearly communicated that you’re offended. That’s all you can do, in that direction, however – she’ll do with it what she will, regardless of what else you may say or do. This is as much a learning experience for you as it is your roommate and her friend, because, unfortunately, you’re going to confront this kind of prejudice in multiple places throughout your life. I cling to the idealistic hope that such stereotypes are, in fact, gradually dissipating – perhaps in our lifetimes they’ll disappear completely.

I’m a white high school senior, and I’m really interested in applying to a couple of historically African-American colleges. Ever since Katrina, I’ve been kind of obsessed with completely understanding the African-American experience, and I think a good way would be to learn what it’s like to be a minority. My parents disapprove. What do you think? – Searching in Louisiana

The Cosby spinoff, A Different World, is probably before your time, which is a shame, because it was an entertaining series about an historically black American college, and the main cast did include one white student. What’s most fascinating about the series is Cosby’s ability to transcend color – the series doesn’t seem, to the viewer, to have anything to do with race. It’s just about a bunch of college kids.

I admire your interest in individuals outside of your complexion and perhaps your culture, and I certainly support you in your endeavors to empathize. Katrina was a terrible event, and it did highlight the degree of racial stratification and segregation still present in this country. I’m glad to see it’s bringing out some idealism in some, like yourself. I also share your desire to understand others, of all ethnicities.

You have, consciously or otherwise, realized that the education provided in a college setting is often less about the classroom and more about the social integration factors. This is extremely important. However, you can’t simply major in social activities – although certainly you could pursue something with formal cultural studies, diversity studies, languages, history, etc. So, you need to also look for a school that has a formal education program that would cater to your needs.

Wikipedia has a fairly comprehensive list of historically black colleges in the United States, accompanied by links, locations, and whether the institution is public or private. Neither public nor private universities can discriminate by color, legally, but that law has been effective at public universities longer than private. Thus, you would be less of an anomaly at the state funded Prairie View A&M, in Texas, which has a significant white population, than at perhaps a private institution.

Another thing – college is not free. Either your parents are paying for it, or you’re paying for it, either from personal funds or from grants, scholarships, and loans. Private universities have more scholarships to give, but they are more likely to distribute this scholarship money to their specific targeted group – African-Americans, in the schools we’re discussing. Your financial aid eligibility (from the federal government) won’t change, but you may have fewer scholarship opportunities. If your parents are contributing financially, whether I agree with their ideas or not, they have significant control over your decisions. Bottom line: if this is really important to you, you may have to go it alone. There is perhaps no better way to truly understand the experience of the most historically downtrodden ethnic group in the U.S.

I was accepted in the my top choice of universities for early admission into the fall 2009 class. I’m so excited! But I just discovered that the university requires all freshmen to not only live on campus, but to eat on campus, as well. This is a problem for me; I’m a vegetarian. I will eat occasional dairy, but I have to take lactose supplements to do that, and I won’t eat anything that’s been prepared near meat. I rarely eat out for this reason. I prefer cooking my own stuff. What gives? Will I have to pick a different university? –Anonymous from Georgia

Universities across the U.S. have implemented this rule, ostensibly to encourage underclassmen to focus their social activity on campus (and thus supposedly focus more on studies). The real reason for the rule is simply money; it’s an easy way to capitalize on parental fears. Requiring incoming freshmen to eat on campus creates the illusion of administrative control – and that’s all it is, an illusion.

One of the problems vegetarians have to deal with daily is a lack of respect for dietary choices by institutions. Cafeterias often accommodate religious dietary needs, including following special kosher preparation methods for certain foods, offering fish on Fridays, etc., but identify vegetarianism as a “fad” rather than a belief system. Many institutions also cater to various mainstream health needs, such as diabetes, but do not recognize vegetarianism as a legitimate health regimen. Interestingly enough, in many university cafeterias it’s easier to adhere to one of the no-carb, high fat diets that have a demonstrated history of contributing to heart disease, than it is to maintain some sort of low calorie balance (with or without meat). Processed meat that’s high in fat is cheap; fresh produce and whole grains are not.

If university food service was subjected to the “supply and demand” capitalism that we idealize in America, this wouldn’t be a problem for vegetarians – or for anyone with picky eating habits, for that matter – for very long. However, in their attempt to make money, universities have taken away any sense of competitive marketing, and university cafeterias across the nation serve mediocre food that satisfies only the tastes of a very few. Privately funded universities are more likely to have an accommodating menu than state funded universities, which place diet at the bottom of the list of student priorities.

This mandated profiteering would be ridiculous in any case, but in light of the current recession, it’s criminal. Should you choose a different university? Depends on whether this university – or any other – will bend to assist you and your specific situation. First step – find out if any other university you have applied to lacks this particular policy. If so, hold on to that possibility, and use it as a bargaining tool. Next, research your first choice, and see what exceptions have been made in the past. I promise, there have been exceptions – the most common is for students who live with their parents near the school. Before sending the university any money, find the appropriate office – either start with admissions, registrar, or the ombudsman – to discuss this with. Explain your dietary needs. Cite allergies, including your lactose intolerance – which, while not technically an allergy, can cause you serious physiological harm if not properly held in check. Make it very clear that your potential attendance at this school is dependent upon this issues.

Finally, since this is important to you, if they will not bend, make up your mind to go to a community college for your first year of school. If you’ve already received a letter of admission/acceptance, you should be able to “defer” admission to the following year. Once you’ve attended classes at a community college for a year, you’re no longer an “incoming freshman” – instead, you’re a transfer student, and no one can tell you what or where to eat!

What’s the best way to study? I’m in my second semester of college, and last semester, I barely managed to pass. I went to the student counseling department, and their solution was to diagnose me with Adult ADD. They tried a couple of different drugs; one made me so wired I couldn’t sit down, and another one made me really depressed. I’ve decided I have to go a different route. Can you help me? – Going Psycho in California

I’d like to first introduce you to Dr. William Glasser’s theories. Allow me to recommend Reality Therapy: A New Approach to Psychiatry. Glasser has practiced psychiatry for over 40 years. His credentials are stellar; he achieved his B.S. and M.A. in clinical psychology from Case Western Reserve University, and he completed his M.D. at UCLA. His resume is filled with counseling awards. Yet he’s been vilified by much of the counseling profession, particularly by his fellow psychiatrists, because Glasser is unwilling to accept the premise that all or most destructive behaviors are caused by a physiological disorder. He advocates personal responsibility and self-control.

This is not to say that there aren’t very real psychiatric disorders, including learning disabilities like ADD. Unfortunately, the reality of such disorders has been diminished by over-diagnosis. Many parents today take their children to the doctor because the children are – well, acting like children. Our society expects 6 year olds to naturally have the attention span necessary to sit at a desk for 7-8 hours at a stretch. When many of them prove unwilling and unable to do this, teachers and parents fall into the trap of thinking there is something wrong. A trip to the psychiatrist follows – and then comes the Ritalin, or some other current drug of choice.

This has bled into the “adult” student population as well. Any student willing to admit that he or she does not learn well in the widely acceptable academic drone method is likely to be sent to the campus doctors for drugs of some sort. People accept it, too, because they want some sort of excuse for not achieving the standard definition of success.

Instead of seeking excuses, you are seeking answers and ways of modifying your behavior. I’m thrilled! The first step is to figure out how you best learn, by nature. You likely already have an idea, but if you’re unsure, try taking a few personality tests. Try the Meyers-Briggs test or the Kiersey Temperament Sorter as good starting places; you can find free versions on the internet, but your campus career center is likely to offer full versions of those tests as well as many others.

Once you figure out your learning type, you can work on the best way for you to learn, focus, and study. I call myself a verbal learner, because I need words to learn – but not auditory words, especially not in a lecture format. I have to read and then write the information down in order to retain it. Flashcards work well for me. Audio tapes work for some; actual drawing and illustrating concepts work well for others.

At the most extreme end, you may discover that you simply do not learn in a way that your university can offer. In which case, look for other programs that offer different types of learning. If you learn best by reading at your own pace, an online university such as the University of Phoenix may be for you. If you prefer tactile learning, a school that focuses on the technical side of things might suit you – or you could even pursue an apprenticeship in a particular trade.

My current college advisor is extremely disdainful of my major, which is in the fine arts. I thought a college advisor was supposed to help me decide which classes to take in order to further my goals, as well as helping me decide on potential internships, amateur performances, career paths, and possibly graduate school or teaching certification. This guy scoffs when I ask any questions, and when I’ve had questions about replacing certain requirements with alternatives (something my friends have had to do frequently, especially when it comes down to the wire, so to speak, during senior year) he has been completely unwilling to help me research anything. What can I do? Are all advisors like this? What exactly do you have to go to school for to be a college advisor? –Aggravated Musician in Illinois

Ah, these are all very good questions, and unfortunately, I don’t think my answers will make you happy. College advisors, particularly at state funded schools, are ill-equipped to perform the important jobs expected of them. Generally all that is required is a bachelor’s degree in any given subject. Although advisors are often hired to advise specific departments and/or major fields of study, a person’s specific bachelor’s degree has no bearing on whether or not they get the job. As such, a person with a political science degree could very well obtain a position advising students in the engineering department!

What an advisor is supposed to do, when hired, is research the specific degree plans assigned to him or her and be prepared to answer all questions. Ideally, of course, college advisors would have comprehensive knowledge by the time any students were advised; until we have the capability of downloading books directly into the brain, such a thing is mere fantasy. Realistically, they should make an effort to learn by experience, and, any new and/or unknown question that pops up should be researched on an individual basis. The best answer should be sought, obtained, and shared.

However, advisors are among the most underpaid of university staff. They’re hired without the best qualifications, they receive little if any training, they’re overworked and underpaid. Each advisor is given a certain numeric load of students, and it’s generally much more than any individual can be expected to adequately handle.

My advice to you is to figure out if you can switch to a specific professor as a substitute advisor, meaning he or she has the ability to sign off on any of your decisions regarding course schedules. My “advisor” was actually the history department secretary at Sam Houston, Ms. Charlann Morris. She understood the degree plans better than anyone else in the department, certainly the university, and she is who helped me graduate within a reasonable amount of time despite two horrendous car accidents. Some universities will allow this, especially state funded schools with extremely limited numbers of advisors.

Even if such specific substitution is prohibited, you can request a new advisor, but you’re not likely to get one that’s any better than the one you have now. So, the best thing you can do is to take it upon yourself to be your own advisor. Even if you do find a professor willing to undertake the responsibility of being your advisor, you should do as much research as possible before any advisement meeting. Your university’s policies are published, whether online or in the library, so spend a couple of hours looking them up. Make it your business to know all of the requirements of your specific degree. When you read books or musical compositions in your classes, take note of the authors’ and composers’ names, and search for their contact information. Ask them what they did in order to get to their current careers.

Simply keep telling yourself: I am my own best advisor. Become your own personal attorney, and when you want something, make sure you have all of the information to back it up. Good luck!

I have a huge crush on the professor of my philosophy class. The semester is almost over; final exams are this week. I believe he reciprocates my crush. I know he’s not married and doesn’t have kids. Is there any reason why I shouldn’t pursue “something else” with him? And if I do…how do I go about it? Ask him to meet me for a drink? - Teacher’s Admirer, Pennsylvania

You didn’t include what university you attend, so I can’t look up specific policies for you, but your university definitely does have official policies regarding student-teacher relationships. With everything online these days, all you’ll probably have to do is search your university’s website for the policy. If you can’t find the specific policy, try the office of the ombudsman on your campus. The ombudsman can generally find any policy, any time.

While these policies vary from university to university, the starkest contrast is likely to be between public and private universities. Private universities are more likely to have stringent, hard-and-fast rules regarding student-faculty relationships, and may consider such relationships ground for suspension on the part of the student and dismissal on the part of the faculty member. Public universities are often less rigid, although they, too, have policies. The most prevalent policy – among all universities – is, at the very least, a student and a faculty member may not be involved while the student is a member of the faculty member’s class. They can date afterward, but not during a time where the faculty member is in authority over the student.

But why do the universities have these policies at all? How can a school have the power to control what goes on between consenting adults? Universities are capitalist institutions – they exist to educate, yes, but in order to educate, they have to make money. Faculty/student romance is a potential monetary liability. What if other students go to the ombudsman – or, worse, lawyers – and claim unfair bias? That could cost the university a lot of time and money, in legal fees and otherwise. Then there’s sexual harassment. Say you, the student, have a nice romantic relationship with this professor, and he cheats on you. You’re angry and hurt, so, as a vengeance mechanism, you head to the administration and claim sexual harassment. I’m not saying that you would do that, but it’s been done before, and universities have to protect themselves. Sexual harassment lawsuits often favor the accuser, and though our legal system might claim otherwise, the defendant is often publicly considered guilty until proven innocent. The university stands to monetarily suffer – and, even beyond that, a university can suffer in reputation, attracting fewer incoming students, and thus less money.

How was your behavior toward one another in class? Is there any way that someone could have the misperception that you were romantically involved prior to the completion of the course? What is your grade like in the course? If any other student had any knowledge of your crush, you’re going to have to tread very carefully, regardless of policy. I would put an entire long semester between the conclusion of the class and the first date. Do you have any more courses to take in that department? If philosophy is your major, you definitely need to wait until you’ve graduated to pursue this.

If the professor was writing to me, asking the same question from the reverse perspective, I have to admit to you, I would tell him, “NO.” Too much risk to his career. If convicted of sexual harassment, he’ll have trouble finding employment elsewhere. Since I’m talking to you, not him, I beg you to keep things like this in mind. If you date him, and things end on a not-so-sweet note, avoid ruining the guy’s life.

If, after my advice, and after reviewing your university’s policies, you still would like to pursue it, a drink is pushing some initial boundaries. Ask him if he’d be interested in coffee, first, or a trip to a museum. Then see what he does from there. Above all, I wish you both the best of luck.

I’m a freshman in college, and, it’s embarrassing, but I don’t understand the Greek organizations. I think I would like to join a sorority, but I don’t have any idea how, or what they really do. I’m kind of shy. Can you explain this to me?-Shrinking Violet in Lafayette, Louisiana

Although fraternities and sororities often get a bad rap in the media, they are definitely effective for assisting a shy person in finding a social niche. Many of them also make significant charitable contributions, both in money and in time, to community and nationally-based organizations. Greek society on campus is also a desirable social life for anyone who enjoyed the social aspects of high school – or, anyone who wanted to enjoy the social aspects, but was too shy to do so.

As a young woman, you have three basic categories from which to choose: social sororities, service sororities, and academic fraternities. Social sororities’ primary stated purpose is to help their members perfect their social abilities. They also often have ties to at least one charitable organization, and when they host functions often a portion of the revenue is devoted to charity. Social sororities generally each have at least one “brother” fraternity, and the two alternate hosting various events (often upscale versions of high school events – homecoming, Sadie Hawkins, prom, etc.). Service sororities host similar functions, with ties to a like-minded fraternity, but the events are less “upscale” because a service sorority’s primary stated purpose is to devote time and money to charity. An academic Greek organization is generally called a fraternity and is non-gender specific. Academic Greek organizations are based upon GPA and area of interest or degree plan. The level of social activity varies widely from campus to campus; you will not likely have the chance to join an academic fraternity until you are in your second year of college – they are often by invitation only.

Joining any type of Greek organization is neither easy nor free. Both the potential cost and competition are highly dependent upon the specific organization. Generally, at the beginning of each “long” semester of college, social and service campus fraternities and sororities will hold what is called “rush.” It’s kind of a week-long festival, with each fraternity and sorority on campus setting up a booth displaying the accomplishments and social functions of each organization, as well as setting up various recruitment activities. Members – generally officers – are available for questions and conversation about membership requirements, dues, and the organization itself. Each organization may have a slightly different recruitment process, but generally, you choose to “rush” one or more organizations, by submitting a kind of resume plus a fee for each one. The officers of the sorority then go through the list of applicants – those who have rushed – and select a pre-determined percentage or number to invite to “pledge” – to take an oath of loyalty, undergo an initiation process, and become new members. Social sororities in particular adhere to these predetermined numbers very tightly in order to maintain an exclusive reputation.

The dues of each organization depend upon their established history and especially whether or not they have a “house.” Organizations that have their own campus house, where members with a certain amount of seniority have the option to live, have more costly dues than ones that do not. While no membership dues are cheap, service organizations require less in the way of fees, and more in the way of time.

Attend the first day of rush, and see what you think. Before rushing, Google the organizations of interest. If you have special interest in one or more, see if you can find information on what to do to get in. Above all, though, do not measure your worth based upon your acceptance or rejection into a sorority. If you are not invited to pledge during your first rush season, try again the following semester.

I’m a senior in high school and the college I’ve chosen makes full time freshmen live in the dorms. I’m an only child, and even when I’ve had friends spend the night, they’ve slept in the guest room. I’m really freaked out at the thought of sharing a small room with some strange person, having to get dressed in close quarters, and having to share a bathroom. What can I do?-Modest in Phoenix

I can totally sympathize with your predicament! I absolutely hated the locker room in gym class. Most universities do require traditional, incoming freshmen to spend at least one year living in on-campus housing. This is advantageous to the universities, because of the added revenue, and there are some selective statistics that indicate it is advantageous to students, as well. It eliminates the necessity of having a vehicle, which is a significant factor in much of the trouble you can get into in college. Of course, students are generally going to make friends with at least one other student that happens to have a vehicle, so that’s perhaps not as effective as university admin would have your parents believe. Ineffectual or otherwise, the dorm requirements stand.

I have good news for you, though: you do have options that can make you feel more comfortable. Many universities have single-person dorm rooms. Some of these are connected to another by a joint bathroom; others have a community bathroom on each floor (although these are less common than the movie industry would have us believe!). While sharing a bathroom can be scary, even when you just have to share it with one other person (who in this case happens to be a stranger) there are ways to maintain your privacy. Community bathrooms in dorms generally have stalls, doors, curtains, and other privacy options, so you will not be forced to undress in front of anyone else. If you share a bathroom with one other dorm room or person, it’s easy to coordinate with the other person – simply knock on the door.

Sometimes the living arrangements are undeniably small; in some on-campus housing, where two dorm rooms are adjoined by one bathroom,  two occupants live in each room (that’s the way mine were). It’s almost like going to summer camp, it’s so cramped! However, there are ways of getting a “private” room and being a single occupant – you can either pay double the cost, or petition a university for special accommodations based on a disability. Depending upon the depth of your fear, you may want to consult your family doctor about pursuing the latter option, which can also allow you the option to find housing off campus. If that option is made available to you, don’t let the university officials fool you – apartments are often a much cheaper option than living in the dormitories.

As soon as you’ve picked a potential college or colleges, take a day trip to visit the campus. Make it a point to visit the dorm options while you’re there; they often vary in style and price as much as apartments!

I’m gay, but I’m also religious; I’ve actually been raised a southern Baptist and do agree with all of the values except the issues with homosexuality. I would really like to go to a Christian university, especially since I’m completely anti-alcohol – but I don’t want to hide who I am. What can I do? Torn in Texas

I’m glad to hear from someone who hasn’t felt forced to either relinquish a chosen faith or to become consumed with self-loathing regarding his or her sexuality. It sounds like you’ve decided that’s between you and God, which makes a lot of sense to me. But are others like you? Are there college campuses that can accept you for who you are yet follow your spiritual preference?

Indeed, there are. You have plenty of options. In Texas, if you have your heart set on a Baptist university, check out Baylor. They actually have a significant, openly gay population, and although the administration continues to formally take the stance that homosexuality is “immoral,” they have remained overtly uncritical of individuals. Generally, the school seems to operate under the notion that everyone is a sinner, and therefore it is not any individual’s job to condemn any other. Baylor is not a hate-filled school and the student population is pretty easygoing. They pray together, and – to be perfectly honest – they all go to the bar together, too. So that’s one thing to keep in mind in regard to your anti-alcohol stance; you’re not likely to find a school, religious or otherwise, where all of the students behave perfectly all of the time. At Baylor, you are likely to find an accepting Christian community that sometimes makes mistakes.

Depending upon what you wish to pursue in college, you might also want to consider Christian schools outside of your denomination. Southern Methodist University is definitely worth looking at; it’s a beautiful campus with an extremely liberal, accepting student body.

Regardless of what you decide, make it a point to visit all of the campuses you’re interested in, to get a feel for the level of acceptance. Don’t hesitate to ask bluntly, either, about what it’s like to be gay on campus – because if your question is met with judgment, you don’t want to go to that school anyway.

I’m a junior in high school. My mom expects me to begin choosing colleges to apply to immediately. I’m afraid to tell her that I don’t want to go to college right after high school. Honestly, I don’t know what I want to do. I’m afraid to sign up for the military. Are there any other options? Scared and Tired

First of all, the military is definitely an admirable choice following high school; it’s a way of both serving your country and gaining training for a lifetime career. However, it’s good that you recognize the risks involved; your fear is not unfounded. The brave men and women who enlist have my utmost respect and admiration, and I’m sure they have yours, too, because they take such risks for the rest of us. The fact that you recognize your own fear means you are intelligent and understand exactly what it is they go through.

There are plenty of other options beyond college and the military, though. I gather from your “tired” signature that you’re tired of school. There are many alternative education options aside from college, but for the time being, I’ll assume that those options are too close to the rigors of school for you, too. If you’d like to look at alternative education, though, look at my book review page, and specifically focus on Harlow J. Unger’s But What If I Don’t Want to Go to College? and Bryna Fireside’s Choices for the High School Graduate.

If the idea of serving your country sounds like something you’d like to do, AmeriCorps is a wonderful choice. Individuals who enlist in AmeriCorps have the opportunity to help impoverished communities and disaster areas within the United States; enlistments last from 9-12 months or one summer, depending upon your choice. This choice might be attractive to your mom, too, because AmeriCorps will assist with paying for college in return for your service.

If you want to travel internationally, you should certainly try applying for the Peace Corps, although they’ve become more selective in recent years and have shown a preference for people already holding degrees. However, there are other ways beyond the Peace Corps to help people internationally. If you belong to a specific religious denomination, you might research what your denomination does on an international basis.

Finally, you can go out and get a job; almost every job out there offers some opportunity to eventually move up and get more education – whether on the job or formal – if you so desire. For example, perhaps you love animals, but you’re not sure if you want to be a veterinarian. You could pursue a full-time job at a grooming salon – many of them are operated in conjunction with a veterinary clinic. One of the fun jobs I had was at Petsmart, bathing dogs and cats. Petsmart’s grooming department offers their full-time bathers the opportunity to go to grooming school, where you learn all of the show cuts for the various breeds.

The same type of arrangement is available for many professions, although perhaps the funding is not as fabulous. You could shampoo hair at a salon, and eventually take cosmetology classes to become a stylist. Waiting tables could bring you to a restaurant management position. There are so many options out there! Talk to your mom about it, and make it clear that you don’t intend to do nothing.

I’m a senior in college, majoring in Classical Studies. I chose this major because I love languages and ancient history. Now, though, I’m left wondering – what can I do with this major? What kind of job can I get? Should I go to graduate school? – Classically Confused

Classical studies, a degree program that involves studies of languages, art history, and archaeology (to name a few) used to be an extremely popular degree plan for students looking for open-ended options for graduate school. Although it has decreased in popularity, its diverse focus does continue to offer a foundation for a number of graduate programs. It is also an ideal degree plan for anyone that wants to teach Latin and/or Greek in the public school system.

Depending upon the language focus of your classics degree plan, you may be able to pursue a career in foreign diplomacy, through the U.S. government. If this sounds like something that you would like to do, you need to do some volunteer work in order to vamp up your resume for government intern positions. Things like volunteering to assist with bilingual education, translation of documents (for a professor, museum, or non-profit organization), and various tasks for local government can potentially assist you in gaining a government internship, which in turn can lead you to a full-time career. Be on the lookout for internships, especially summer ones, on the web.

Aside from government work, the best things to do with a classics degree involve either law school, graduate school or gaining secondary teaching certification, a process that usually takes about a year of extra coursework. Choices in graduate school include museum science, which is perhaps the most lucrative degree – museums of all kinds continue to pop up worldwide, and there is a significant demand for people with museum science degrees. However, museum science is a graduate degree that is even more lucrative if it is accompanied by a second master’s degree in an area of specialization – such as the classics, or, more specifically, art history, languages, archaeology, history, and the various sciences.

A master’s degree in library science is another option, similar to museum science, that opens up job opportunities but requires two master’s degrees for optimum success. Librarian positions are often subject-specific, and an individual with a master’s degree in library science with a second one in the classics has a lot of subject options.

It must be overwhelming yet satisfying to have so many options from one degree plan! Government, teaching, museums, libraries…you can even pursue a PhD if you miss college life so much that you want to spend the rest of your life as a professor!

I’m a programmer for an independent start-up company. I had emergency heart surgery during my second year of college, and I had to drop out. I really like my current job, and I make more money than most of my friends, but I have this nagging feeling I should go back to school – and it seems like my friends and family share the feeling. What do you think? – Code Monkey

Whew! You’ve had quite a bit to handle! Congratulations on successfully coming through what was surely a very frightening experience. Despite such adversity, you’ve managed to learn a very valuable lesson: college is not always necessary for financial and career success. You’ve found a programming job that you enjoy and that you’re apparently good at, and, even better, it comes with a decent salary. Yet, you question the nature of your success, and wonder if you’re inferior or if you’re doing what you “should”. Why?

While I hope the pressure inflicted by your friends and family is well-intentioned, it is at best misguided. It is an illustration of the American notion that college is a social rite of passage, without which your worth as a person decreases. This is a stigma perpetuated by the universities themselves, in an attempt to garner greater attendance (and greater monetary figures!).

Companies looking for programmers are much more concerned with skill and experience than with degree, as you’ve discovered. A person walking out of a university with a degree in computer science and little to no work experience is as likely to be a web designer or software developer as a programmer – maybe being a programmer is the least likely, since it takes a special kind of attention to detail to be a successful “code monkey”. J Additionally, there is such a vast discrepancy in education standards in computer science departments from university to university – and the learning experience does not necessarily correlate with the general prestige of the school – that many companies are developing a guarded suspicion against degree-holders that haven’t worked full time.

You are concerned about how you are valued by society with a lack of a degree. Honestly, anyone who judges your value to society based upon a transcript shouldn’t be allowed in your inner sphere to begin with. If you would like a degree for purposes of your own self-esteem, I encourage you to take one class at a time, and actually try to learn information pertinent to your career along the way. I hope you’re extremely proud of yourself no matter what path you choose.